Deus Ex Machina
by vvc
Summary: de·us ex ma·chi·na;ˌdāəs eks ˈmäkənə; noun; an unexpected power or event saving a seemingly hopeless situation, especially as a contrived plot device in a play or novel.
Deus Ex Machina: de·us ex ma·chi·na;ˌdāəs eks ˈmäkənə; _noun;_ an unexpected power or event saving a seemingly hopeless situation, especially as a contrived plot device in a play or novel.

THE PROVOCATION

Harry scowled in fury as he strode through Hogwarts' hallways back to Gryffindor tower, his angry strides loud on the stone floor and sounding off the hallway walls in an eerie echo. Yet another night was wasted viewing useless memories in Dumbledore's pensieve instead of actually _learning_ anything worthwhile.

The more he attended "lessons" with Dumbledore, the more Harry realized how useless the man was. How useless his little Order was. How useless the staff was. How useless the Ministry was. (Though that last wasn't any big surprise.)

Well, this was the last night _Harry_ was going to be useless.

THE SERENDIPITY

Harry's first night of newfound determination found him a rather magnificent, if totally unexpected, ally in Madam Pince. The woman was severely underappreciated. Madam Pince came over to scold him about picking up a book, flipping through it, dropping it on a nearby table, then getting another to do the same. There were 30 books stacked up when she came by to give him a piece of her mind. He simply stared at her and asked if she would rather he spent his time shelving books or finding a way to defeat psychotic murderers.

Five minutes later Harry was ensconced in the woman's highly secure personal workspace with an ever-changing stack of books and permission to be there whenever and for however long he wanted. He was impressed at the spellwork evident in the space and said so. Madam Pince sniffed at him but Harry saw the flash of bitterness in her eyes that clearly stated she had not been given much appreciation in life. Harry grabbed her hand, kissed it lightly, and reiterated his appreciation and thanks. Then he spent a moment in bemused wonder when the woman blushed and ran off like a schoolgirl.

Then he got to work.

THE PREPARATION

Two months.

Two months was all it took for Harry to find the perfect spell to end Voldemort for good. Granted, he had spent every free moment flipping through the ever-changing book pile in Irma's workspace. And even some non-free moments; it wasn't as if Binns had even missed him.

He credited the short time solely to the new woman in his life, Irma Pince. Irma had spent a great deal of time helping Harry filter the books into "possibly useful", "interesting but not useful", "not useful or interesting", and "utterly insipid, I hate having this in my library". Irma had also ensured that all the restricted section books worked through the ever-changing stack as quickly as possible without being obvious by clearing whole shelves at a time. She also did her own searching when he wasn't able to be there and it was she who had found THE book.

He was going to marry that woman. He had told her that on more than one occasion, completely serious, though she never believed him.

Now it was time to reel in Voldemort.

THE SETUP

"Do you think this is sufficiently offensive?" Harry asked Irma, passing over a sheet of parchment.

Irma took the short letter and read it through, then took her quill and made notations. She handed it back with a vicious smirk, "You need to replace the muggle insults with wizarding ones."

Harry smirked back. Irma had a wicked mind. "I shall do so immediately."

Five minutes later Harry had rewritten his missive challenging Voldemort to a duel and handed it back to his co-conspirator. "Good?"

Irma nodded as she re-read the letter. "Yes. His ego will be there, even if the rest of him stays behind."

"His ego is all I need," Harry said with confidence, utterly trusting the spell Irma had found.

The two grinned in anticipatory glee, matching lights of vengeance and malice dancing in their eyes.

THE EXECUTION

Panic and chaos surrounding him as Death Eaters battled Hogsmeade residents and Order members. Harry was shocked at how quickly the Order had actually shown up.

"First time for everything," he muttered as he watched Hogwarts student run around uselessly instead of being sensible and either fighting or fleeing. "Wonder if the Ministry will make it here in time?"

"Not likely," Irma said from her invisible spot beside him. She had utterly refused to be left behind and miss Voldemort's demise.

Harry had simply kissed her hand and handed over his cloak for her protection, thrilled with her fire and determination. Irma had blushed again but taken the cloak. He was definitely marrying this woman.

"Potter! Come to me, little boy, and face me like the man you are playing at!" Voldemort's voice bellowed over the screaming crowd, obviously amplified. And deepened, the vain psycho.

"Such dramatics," Irma said with a sniff.

Harry grinned and cast his own amplifying spell. "Over here, poor little peasant. By the teashop. Surely the inbreeding of your ancestors left you with enough mental acuity to find a bright pink building? Oh, wait, is acuity too big of a word for the son of a squib?"

Voldemort's furious yell caused Harry to grin even wider and got an actual giggle out of Irma.

"You! Will! Die!" Voldemort screamed. "Avada Kedavra!"

"Deus Ex Machina!"

THE EXPLANATION

Harry hummed happily, occasionally casting a grin at one of the grim and/or panic-faced officials in the room. One or two outright laughs of delight may have even passed his lips. He just kept his silence as he watched the hustle and bustle around him, listened to the debates and arguments, and cheerfully answered all questions set to him with "I don't know."

And that was the truth, too. The nature of the spell was such that it was never the same twice.

"As far as we can figure, the magic in the dark marks drained the life force of every wizard who had one," a random dark-cloaked person stated solemnly.

"Really," Harry said, slightly surprised at the sudden quiet and subsequent declaration.

"Yes," said the same man.

Harry smiled. "Nice!"

"And every immortality-conferring artifact created by You-Know-Who was negated," the man continued, staring at Harry expressionlessly.

Harry continued to smile. "Even better!"

"How did you know the spell would work?" the man asked, still staring.

"I met the qualifications," Harry said simply, still smiling. It had taken them long enough to ask a question he could answer with something other than honest ignorance.

"Impossible odds," the man stated, just a little bit of respect showing in his eyes.

"As defined by an insurmountable difference in abilities and/or knowledge and/or resources," Harry agreed cheerfully.

The man's face split in a huge grin and he let loose a short laugh. "Congratulations, Mr. Potter, you are the first person in 200 years to successfully cast this spell. Absolutely no charges will, or even can, be filed against you. You may go in gratitude and good health. Merlin watch over you for what you have done today."

Harry laughed as well and jumped up from his seat. "Thanks!" he said, still grinning. "Time to go get the girl!" He ignored the murmur of questions behind him as he left the Headmaster's expanded office.

THE REWARD

"Marry me," Harry said, on bended knee before Irma, holding her hand.

"Don't be ridiculous! I'm old enough to be your mother!" Irma objected, though she didn't remove her hand. She was too busy staring at the enormous diamond ring Harry was holding next to her ring finger.

"You're eight years my senior," Harry said with a soft chuckle. "Barely. I looked it up. That's hardly any difference at all."

"You're a student," Irma stated, still staring incredulously at the ring. "Is that real?"

"Very real," Harry said with a nod. "And I'm sixteen. Completely legal to get married in the muggle world. If it bothers you that much we can wait to marry until August first and I'll be seventeen and of age in the wizarding world."

"You don't even know me," Irma said softly, a little sad. "And where did you get this? The Potter's weren't that rich."

"Over the last two month we have spent at least two hours a night talking," Harry disagreed, running the ring along Irma's finger. "I know you better than I know anyone in this world, including Ron and Hermione whom I've supposedly been friends with for six years."

"Supposedly?" Irma questioned weakly, entranced by the diamond caressing her finger.

"Oh, we're still friends," Harry assured her. "Just, the three of us never spoke of anything really meaningful. Only children's conversations, really. Not like the way we talk with each other. About morality and cultural differences, about current events, about our hopes and dreams. About our pasts. About anything and everything. We _talk_ , Irma," Harry said earnestly, "and I know you. And you know me. Better than anyone on this earth. We know each other."

Irma finally pulled her eyes away from the ring and gave Harry a small, tender smile. "Yes, we do."

"Marry me," Harry said again, poising the ring just so.

"Yes," Irma said, her smile widening into a grin as the biggest diamond she'd ever seen in person was slipped onto her finger.

Harry laughed then stood and pulled Irma into fierce hug, picking her up and spinning her around once before setting her back down. "So, August first?" Harry asked, grinning widely.

Irma laughed in delight and kissed Harry lightly on the cheek, his lips grinning too widely for a good kiss there. "I say we head out tonight and find an official. There's probably still one wandering around outside we can convince," she said with her own grin.

"I absolutely love the way you think!" Harry replied, his grin impossibly wider after the kiss. He released his new fiancé and grabbed her hand to lead her out of the library to hunt down a hapless official.

"A couple questions," Irma said, still smiling herself, pulling Harry back a little. When she had his full attention, she asked again, "Where did you get this ring? I'm really curious."

Harry laughed out loud and pulled Irma back into a loose hug. "Well, I may or may not have a small, invisible friend with a grudge," he admitted.

"Dobby?" Irma asked in surprise.

"Yep," Harry said, his grin starting to morph into a smirk. "I may or may not have wondered aloud when he may or may not have been around that he may or may not still be able to get into the Malfoy properties and vaults."

Irma's eyes widened and she glanced at her ring before her grin, too, morphed to a smirk.

"And I may or may not have waxed eloquent about how it was a shame that evil scum may or may not have more wealth and fine clothing and expensive jewelry than they could possibly utilize and that it may or may not be beneficial if such things were, let's say, "redirected" to more beneficial use," Harry said with vicious smirk fully in place.

"Just how much of their estate was "redirected" to someplace "more beneficial"?" Irma asked, her matching vicious smirk also fully in place.

"Whatever he may or may not have been able to acquire since the start of the fight," Harry admitted with a chuckle.

Irma didn't bother to hide her snickers. "Most of the material goods, then," she said. "Fantastic! We won't have to worry about money."

"Not at all," Harry agreed.

"This is redesigned, yes?" Irma asked, waving her ringed hand.

"Of course," Harry said, playfully offended. "I'll even show you my pathetic drawings, if you like. Thank Merlin for Dobby."

"Thank Merlin," Irma agreed wryly, having seen examples of Harry's pathetic drawing. She ran a finger down Harry's cheek. "Did you know I would say yes?"

"Of course!" Harry said with a nod, turning his head to let his nose touch her finger.

"How?" Irma asked, still caressing Harry's face, silly smile firmly back in place.

"The spell," Harry said, smiling back widely. "I'm the impossible hero and the hero _always_ get the girl! There was no other possible ending."

Irma laughed in delight. She hugged Harry strongly then let him go to grab his hand. She tugged playfully and said, "The let's go get married."

Harry grinned and followed.

Life wasn't just good. It was the best!

DEUS EX MACHINA


End file.
